Misconceptions about Suicide Ideation

Dani Kazlow is an LPC-Associate under the supervision of Josh Berger LPC-S

“Suicidal.” 

It’s a weighty word. This touchy topic is often avoided out of fear or discomfort, which can be a major barrier when it comes to seeking help for yourself or a loved one. Oftentimes the label can be more frightening than the reality. Here are some common misconceptions when it comes to suicide ideation. 

1. “There is something wrong with me if I’m having suicidal thoughts.”

Suicidal thoughts are actually more common than you might think. While our bodies were created to adapt and survive, we also live in a very broken world. It isn’t uncommon to have thoughts of wanting to leave everything behind. It’s normal to go through seasons of feeling trapped and overwhelmed. It’s important to know that you aren’t broken for thinking and feeling this way. 

While having these thoughts doesn’t mean there is something wrong with you, it also doesn’t mean that they don't need to be addressed. Since there is so much tenderness around the topic, it often doesn’t get talked about unless it’s a “serious” problem. This isolation is a major reason for thoughts that fester and worsen. Bringing these thoughts up with safe individuals can help quiet the narrative that you are flawed or weak for having them as well as bring someone in who can come alongside you in this process. 

2. “Because I had a thought of suicide ideation, it means I’m going to act on it.”

Like most things in life, suicidal thoughts exist on a spectrum. Here are some ways I categorize suicidal thinking:

-Intrusive thoughts

These are thoughts about suicide that are unwanted. These are recurrent thoughts that seem to invade your thinking rather than originate from your thinking. They often make you uncomfortable and cause emotional distress, rather than relief. Sometimes suicidal thoughts can be intrusive, meaning that you have no desire to take your life but for some reason the thoughts continue to come. They seem to stick to you rather than you clinging to them. Intrusive thoughts can be worked through with a trained professional so that they are quickly neutralized and sent on their way.

-Sadness

Sadness is a felt sense of loss over something that you can’t seem to regain. This can create feelings of not wanting to get out of bed or lacking the energy to face the day. Common thoughts from sadness could be “I wish today was already over” or “if I could just skip today I would.” This situational-based suicidal thinking focuses more on the grief that can naturally concur when you are processing a loss of any type.

-Problem solving

Sometimes thoughts about ending your life can start to occur when you can’t seem to find a solution to your problems. Sadness that lingers can lead into depression, which is a prolonged sense of despondency. Sadness might say “I’m down about losing my job” whereas depression says “and now I will never get a job again.” If you look down a dark tunnel and can’t see the light at the end of it, your brain will fight to find a solution. Oftentimes, that light becomes suicidal thinking.

-Planning

When in the problem solving phase, finding a solution to the pain is a huge relief to the heavy feelings. This relief can become addictive quickly since there seems to be an end in sight to the problems you have been facing for a while. If you are in the problem solving phase for some time, you might start to progress into suicidal planning. Like any addiction, the tolerance levels “need more” in order to find the same amount of relief as before. Thoughts no longer seem to help, so plans start to come into play.

-Acting

If there is problem solving and planning present, the next progression is suicidal acting. This is where you are no longer have only suicide ideation, and where attempts are most likely. Finding help in this stage is essential and should be prioritized at all costs. Trying to get better on your own is like adding more weight onto a bar that you are already struggling to lift. In this stage, bringing others in to help lighten the load will be a crucial part of recovery and healing.

Most people will find themselves somewhere on this spectrum at some point in their lives because sadness is a common human emotion. Not everyone will have suicidal thoughts, but everyone encounters pain. Just because you find yourself somewhere on this spectrum, it doesn’t mean you will progress all the way through it. In addition, it’s never too late to pivot and find help even if you are further along on this spectrum. Bringing safe people into the problem solving phase can help bring adaptive solutions and sustainable relief. 

3. “If I mention that I have suicidal thoughts in counseling, I’ll be sent to a hospital.”

While counselors have a duty to report if they think their client is a serious harm to themselves or someone else, this doesn’t mean you will be sent to a hospital just for having a thought of suicide ideation. Going back to the different categories of suicidal thinking, the sooner you are able to find help in this process, the less likely it is that the thoughts will progress. There should be multiple conversations before a hospital or inpatient facility is even brought up in session as a potential option. The goal is to find other solutions than the suicidal thoughts and work together to bring relief and healing in your life. While an inpatient facility can be a great option for this, it isn’t the first tool a counselor will gravitate towards in your healing journey. 

4. “If I ask someone about their suicidal thoughts, it’s going to cause them to attempt.”

Bringing suicide ideation into the light is more likely to cause them to diminish, not strengthen. If you ask someone if they are having suicidal thoughts, it isn’t going to lead them to think, “I haven’t thought about that before, but now that you mention it I will start to come up with a plan.” Suicidal thoughts are weighty and oftentimes people are carrying them in solitude. Asking them about it can help lighten the load and create more space for hope. If someone is willing and open to talk about their suicidal thoughts, it usually means they are dedicated to getting better, not worse.

Navigating through suicide ideation is a weight that we aren’t meant to carry alone. Whether it’s with a counselor or a safe loved one, reaching out to talk about it is the next best step. We would love to support you through this journey and help lighten the load.

Photo courtesy of Andres Ramos